finding balance in empowerment

The Challenge of Balancing Activity and Conversation

This week, I found myself thinking deeply about how to strike the right balance between physical activity and conversation in our sessions. It's a delicate balance, especially when working with diverse groups of young people.

What kept me up at night this week was finding the balance between physical activity and conversation in our sessions. Specifically, I’ve been reflecting on the differences in how young girls, women, and non-binary people (AFAB) respond to trauma, hardship, and marginalization, compared to young men.

In my experience, I’ve noticed that AFAB young people almost always respond by internalizing their pain. They hold it in, carrying the weight of trauma and frustration silently. On the other hand, young men tend to externalize their pain. They often express it through actions—whether it’s anger, physical outbursts, or even just speaking their minds.

Of course, there’s a spectrum to this. There are plenty of quiet young men and outspoken young women. But what I’ve learned in my work is this: when I enter a session with young men and start with a conversation, they tend to lose focus and drift away.

I’ve stopped doing this because I know how important it is to capture their attention. Now, we get straight into physical activity, which is how I engage them and earn their respect. It allows them to release their energy, their anger, and their frustrations in a healthy way.

For girls and AFAB young people, however, the approach is different. They almost always resist physical activity, especially when it’s new to them. And, of course, I am new to them too. They often shut down, don’t speak, and keep everything bottled up.

I can feel the self-loathing in the room, and the anger, frustration, and pain that they’re carrying inside. It’s a heavy weight, and I can see how it builds up until they reach a tipping point

Creating a safe space for girls and AFAB youth to participate and open up takes time. It requires my vulnerability and trust—trust that I won’t give up on them. I don’t judge them, flinch at their emotions, or shy away from their intensity. Over time, they begin to feel safe enough to trust me and engage in the process.